Competitive e-sports gamer Simon Blakely—also known by his in-game name, Pan—drops out of college to play fantasy role-playing game Darkmore Heroes with his team around the United States. After a series of losses, their corporate sponsorship is on the line, and Pan’s team must win the Midwest Darkmore Heroes Tournament held in Chicago. This adds pressure to an already labor-intensive esports schedule that’s left him with debilitating panic attacks. On the heels of a troubled fling with a barista, Pan falls in love with Pax, a trans man who plays a druid healer for the opposing team. Pan is forced to reckon with his changeful sexuality against the backdrop of a toxic upbringing, a task made more difficult by the unannounced arrival of his estranged, evangelical father who tries to turn him “back to God.” As overwork and panic attacks take their toll, Pan explores his own pansexuality amid mounting conflicts that include a falling out with one of Pan’s teammates and a vicious knife attack. Pan and Pax—whom fans have dubbed ‘Panax’—decide to flee their lives of burnout for a month away in the Colorado mountains with no phones, an ample supply of wine, and the sometimes-fraught company of Pan’s old professor-mentor, Dr. Alasdair Burke, whose email correspondence throughout the novel highlight their shared career challenges. When Eros joins hands with polyamory, these three companions navigate the nuances of a life that rejects automated ways of being, an experience that prompts Pan to choose between returning to his familiar esports life or otherwise chart out a new trajectory for his life.

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